i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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