Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Damn victory sex feels great
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
