If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
