we should wear snuggies to the strip club
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
