I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
