mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
