I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
It's never too late to be topless.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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