she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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