I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
