Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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