He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
