WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
