its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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