Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
