we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
