I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Randomize
