He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
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