Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
