God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
