moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
