Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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