They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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