How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
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Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
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