pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
why does every cop we meet know your name?
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