As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
