No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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