I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
