My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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