I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
