K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
