Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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