Did you just see the Batmobile???
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
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