I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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