Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
