i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize