it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
