She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
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