He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Come see our sink grown plant.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
