don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
