just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
