Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
