I didn't shave. On purpose
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
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