They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Randomize
