I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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