dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
