look no pants
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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