so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
