put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
