i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Im part way to drunk.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
