I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
