Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
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