Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I checked into jail on foursquare
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I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
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Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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