The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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