Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
