my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
