still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
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