Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
