I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Randomize
