Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
