I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
