if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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