Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
