Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
this just has baby written all over it
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
